Well, This has been one crazy week! My son has been sick with a respiratory virus and has been on steroids, nebulizing treatments and anitibiotics and now needs to see a pulmonologist….He is feeling better and off liquid steroids but still needs his albuterol and budesonide (if correct) and seems in better spirits…Why am I writing about this? Well, not sure how many people know that my son was preemie. I mean 2 1/2 month preemie..He was in the NICU for 40 something days but still came home before his actual due date….I will never forget any part of my pregnancy and have most of it journaled as it was the worst pregnancy a person could experience….Well, not all was bad…but it wasn’t the typical….I had problems from day one due to age and smoking…But I was still optimistic. I figured God blessed me at my age with a child, so I made sure I followed all orders from the Dr. even cutting out smoking…But the little sucker gave me scare, after scare after scare….at each ultrasound appt. The best one was two weeks after being told that my fluid was low and there was no way he would survive if amniotic fluid was low…but two weeks later, I was told he was fine and moving around….I never felt him and I think it was because I was heavy and he was such a small peanut, the only time he would move would be when I read to him….So you know I kept doing that….lol
Fast foreward, my so is healthy, thank God, but his issues today seem to be respiratory issues and maybe asthma. He was hospitalized within the past 6 months for days due to asthmatic episode and pneumonia.
The reason I tell you this is because I have been carrying a lot of guilt. I blamed myself for his premature delivery. Although it was thin lining. I blame myself for his continued colds, and respiratory issues, and I blame me for any future problems that come his way! lol
Well, this weekend, after some dense personal development, I can say that I no longer feel as bad, as I did before…I am learning that everything happens for a reason…My son’s prematurity had nothing to do with me personally except physically and that is something I had not control over…So the guild is lessening and I just wanted to share this with you…
Sometimes, we tend to blame ourselves for things beyond our control. I always blamed myself for a lot in my life and honestly, some things I was to blame for….But I let the blame consume me all of the time.
Since I began my fitness journey and personal development, I have learned a lot. You can only blame yourself for things that can be changed not for those that cant. My son was premature and suffers more illnesses than others but THAT IS NOT MT FAULT so I am letting it go today!
What I want to share is the blame we put on others….There are many people who blame others for what is going wrong in their life…..
I never blamed anyone for my unhappiness but always felt sorry for myself…I was fat and there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t lose weight because I always quit because it was too hard and I couldn’t do it, the diet was too hard, the exercises hurt my knees, I had a bad back….
Well, that has changed too….I now know that making small steps will take me so far. I know that if you blame others for your sadness, over-eating, unhealthy lifestyle, STOP! You can change only if YOU WANT TO!
I started PiYo this week and I had doubts and put this program off for a long time because I was used to T25, with my man ShaunT and I knew the routines. When I began PiYo, I thought Pilates and Yoga are not ME…I do not think I will like it…Caught myself making excuses to not start it…But I did and after completing week one…I absolutely love the change of pace…and I feel it. Never thought I would, but I do! Don’t get me wrong, I still like to jump and use weight and have done a few programs in between but week one of PiYo done and more to come!